Archive for the ‘Relationships’ Category

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Will you hover in your Moment?

Friday, March 5th, 2010

toyagrnLife is full of moments. Some are lasting and others you may never want to recall, but there is a distinct moment one never forgets in a lifetime. When it strikes you realize every previous encounter was a prelude to this day. It begins with harmless, casual, conversation then slowly progresses to something unexplainable. Thoughts of this person enter your mind without effort. Not knowing or even understanding why; you become curious. The urge to scratch beneath the surface is apparent and you are now more engaged, asking questions, and soaking in any information that comes your way. Then you find yourself in the presence of this person and it happens…the moment…It’s the moment you gaze into the eyes and see something not noticed before. The eyes speak to your soul extending the warmest invitation to an open heart. In that moment you realize you want to be more than someone who passes through. No longer is casual good enough; instead, your feet are ready to plant roots right where they stand!

The excitement of “the moment” feels so good that it brings forth a push to rush to the next phase; but this is the time to pause, inhale deep….. Then slowly exhale….. and live in it. As yesterday escapes us and tomorrow remains undetermined, this moment you are experiencing is right now! And one you can hover in.

When you plant your seeds and begin to take steps with this person, the road ahead is unpredictable. Whether you recall your moment with your Love while sitting in rocking chairs or hold it in your heart as a memory of what was, you will never regret taking the time to inhale and absorb its joy for all its worth.

Now I’m asking: Will you hover in your Moment?…I’m listening…now Holla at ya Gyrl!

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Are you satisfied with your Reaping?

Monday, September 21st, 2009

tpnk2.JPGHumans are soooo special. I say humans because we are the only species with enough intelligence to convince ourselves we can defy the laws of nature!
If you take a seed from an orange and plant it, oranges will produce. If you take watermelon seeds and plant them, is there any doubt watermelons will grow? If you did nothing with the seeds…you are correct in assuming nothing will be produced. Yet when it comes to us and what we sow in our life, we act as if different rules apply. We arrogantly believe if we plant ugliness into our lives, beauty will grow; when we plant misery, we expect love in return and if we put great effort toward nothing, we live under the assumption fortune will still find us.
Can I tell you something out of pure love? If you wake up every day UNhappy, UNfulfilled, UNhopeful and on the UNfortunate end of the scale, then it’s time to get rid of those “UNs’” and evaluate the things you are sowing into your life. Let’s do this together. First ((((inhale))))…wait a couple of seconds, now ((((exhale)))). We adapt this behavior through one of two ways;
1. Influence
2. Choice
Influence; Many of us were born into this foundation of negativity. Through parents and/or other dominant influences you were led to believe that you only get … out of life and shouldn’t expect anything more. As a child, anything you did yielding positive results was shot down with negative consequences and any sliver of hope you intuitively grasped onto became diminished over time. You live in a world of Uns’ because as you make your way through life that is all you identify with. The energy you plant/sow is of expected disappointment, expected darkness, expected half-empty glass, expectation of things going wrong, expectation of not having many friends, and expectation of bad relationships. If Greatness slapped you in the face you would still walk right by it dumbfounded and blinded of its presence.

Choice; this is the worst of the two because you wake-up every day making a conscious choice to see the half-empty glass. When the sun shines bright on you, you purposely shield it away to see if any dark clouds are left. Your fear of failure is so strong that you prefer to live in the UN’s. When positive people engage you, eventually you shoo them away with your misery. In your mind; no one treats you right, no one likes you, you never get invited anywhere, and no one wants to help you. The truth is, if 23 out of 24 hours a day went perfect, you would only tell others about that one hour that went wrong. The problem is YOU-are-the-problem and need a 911 change of perspective.

We cannot do the bare minimum and expect maximum results, just as we cannot expect that planting an orange seed will produce a watermelon. ..In order to get better, be better, and do better it’s a must that we open our awareness of self. “You reap what you sow” is a saying that applies across the board. Take an honest evaluation of the seeds you sow in life, then ask yourself;

Are you satisfied with your reaping?…I’m listening…Holla at ya Gyrl !

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Do You Remember Me?

Sunday, August 30th, 2009

toyagrn.JPG We first met in the fourth grade when a note was passed my way. It read “do you like me? Yes or No – circle one.” This is my first memory of a tingly feeling inside. My fetal mind was unable to describe it. I only knew it made me smile. The seed was planted and without any evidence of your arrival you disappeared. Honestly, I can’t really say that I missed you. My 9 year old mind was not ready for you. Then;

I got to know you in High School when you returned to me. Contrasting our first introduction; you stayed a while placing yourself in the [perfect vehicle] to nurture my heart. You taught me passion, gave me permission to receive you, and showed me how worthy I am of you. I learned your depth, range; I embraced your ability to make everything in my sight……………Beautiful. We had the perfect relationship, but eclipsed from me was another part of you.
Throughout my childhood I had experienced various types of hurt, but never had I felt such pain as I did the day you left me. I couldn’t help but wonder how you could shine on me and teach me so many things. Wrap your arms my soul and tug at my heart strings and suddenly, without a warning……….. turn your back on me. How could I ever forgive you enough to let you back in? Then;

In my adulthood I understood you. I learned that you are a gift. The Greatest gift and to truly understand your depth I had to experience every facet of you. I took for granted your gratitude, forgiveness, pain, pleasure, expression, and acceptance. Instead of cherishing our time together, I selfishly assumed I was your only student.

Love; in this ode to you I only hope you will accept my apology for not lifting you as high as my arms reach. I looked past you instead of taking you in with a slowwwwwwww inhale.

Love..Do you remember me?

Words are my life and this is my ode to Love. Have you taken Love for granted? Is your heart prepared for Love? Speak to me…I’m listening….Holla at ya Gyrl!

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Have you been asked the proverbial question?

Monday, August 17th, 2009

toyagrn.JPGI recently became aware a distant acquaintance of mine is now engaged to be married. Encompassed by traditional sounds of “awe” and excitement, I said,”wow, what a blessing to have found The One.” A mutual friend quickly replied in a matter-of fact manner,
“it’s time for her to settle down anyway because she’s about to be 40 (years old). It’s been time.”

That statement kind of took me aback. I wondered how much pressure this newly engaged woman had endured throughout the years by choosing to exercise patience with her heart. How many beautiful weddings had she attended only to witness Divorce a short time later? And how many times has she had to answer the proverbial question: When are you going to get married? Most of us (women) put so much focus on a Wedding and a ceremony, we miss cultivating a relationship that is rooted and ready for Holy Matrimony. The moment a man says those three magic words, we are picking up bridal catalogs, trying on rings, and selecting the wedding party. Whoa…Gyrlfriend, can we pump brakes for a moment? Yes! He has just confirmed he loves you (and of course you love him). Yes! Both of you have committed to exclusivity, but No! The chips will not automatically align just because we are here. Imagine you have these seeds. The seeds represent your heart, soul, emotions, and everything you hold sacred. You protect these seeds because they are all you have. Your only job is to choose the soil in which you plant them. When you and your man take that step forward, both of you have chose the soil; next, you get your hands dirty and build.

Take your time Gyrlfriend! Don’t fall to the pressure of feeling inadequate or behind because marriage or the possibility of has not entered your life by a certain time. Those seeds are not for anybody, yet many of us sow them with “anybodies” and end up in a lifeless marriage rooted with the wrong person to begin with. When you sow with good, healthy soil; the Harvest is bound to be abundant. Happy planting :)

Have you been invaded with the proverbial question?…I’m listening…………Holla at ya Gyrl !

Latoya
WordsRmylife

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Can you fill the “shoes” of Big Daddy?

Sunday, June 21st, 2009

toyagrn.JPGIt’s obvious my advocacy rest on the hearts of Men. Hence my topics are filled with reference to Big Daddy. I repeatedly talk about; taking care of Big Daddy, putting Big Daddy first, being Big Daddy’s girlfriend etc… I haven’t met a man yet who doesn’t smile and hold out his chest when I acknowledge him as Big Daddy. This got me thinking: Maybe I should elaborate on what it takes to be Big Daddy.

There are those who title themselves Big Daddy and there are those who LIVE Big Daddy. In my writings, I speak for those who LIVE Big Daddy. There are benefits and responsibilities to this role. Every Man wants the benefits but few absorb the responsibility. Big Daddy does what he has to do to provide for his family and that’s the bottom line. In his house hold he accepts the weight of keeping the mortgage/ bills paid, and food on the table.

Where us Ladies like to show off our diamond rings and trinkets, Big Daddy‘s pride lies in the presentation of his home, his Woman and his children. He works all day every day, smiling in the presence of his crappy bosses when he really wants to tell them to go…you know. When the budget is tight he places his needs on the back burner to make certain his family is lacking nothing. At his woman’s request, Big Daddy will sit with her and all her cackling friends subjected to mindless conversation when he would rather hang with the fellas; wear hot ass suits in the Summer to attend the weddings of people he don’t even know; sit through chic flicks, and Disney movies, need I say more?

What’s most important is at the end of the day, when the dishes are washed, kids are sleep and the house is shut down for the evening, Big Daddy is still on his job….taking care of Big Mama so she can have a restful slumber (but that’s the fun part). Big Fist in the air to those who LIVE Big Daddy…Happy Fathers Day.

Oops..I almost forgot the question! O.k. Ladies, if you have a Big Daddy in your life, time to make it known. Put him on blast right now.
Fellas, if you LIVE Big Daddy I want to hear from you! Ya’ll know what to do…I’m listening…now Holla at ya Gyrl !

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Isn’t it time to back up those Cackling Hens?

Saturday, June 6th, 2009

t.bmpIn our Love-ships we all need a shoulder to cry on and an ear burn out. Our girlfriends are heavily relied on to be our advocates, confidantes and personal “Amen” section in times of crisis. This kinship of support is vital; but girlfriend can I tell you something?

Keep those cackling hens out of your relationship!

Yeah I said it! Now exhale—–> ahhh < ----- and unravel your face. Many of you allow your “girlfriends” to have more say-so in your life than you’re man. There is definitely a special place reserved for them but not in marriages or relationships. The key word is “in”. You and Big Daddy are (((IN))) a relationship. Your girlfriends play the sideline position. What does that mean? They are SUPPORT ONLY. God made clear his intentions in the book of Genesis. First he created the Earth, then Adam, then Adams’ help meet; Eve. If God felt Eve needed an ally, he would have also created Jennifer to hang around and suck the life out of Adam and Eve’s relationship. Your girlfriends wish you well however they may be a little extra protective of your heart because it’s been broken a few times. Your job is to back them up a little so that Big Daddy knows without a doubt he is….Umm….Big.

I know it’s hard to let go of those Friday nights, Saturday afternoon soirees, day to day gossip and popping up at each other’s homes; you made a pact with your girls that you would never put them on the back burner, right? Well, you are in a relationship now therefore the dynamic of how your girlfriends fit into your life is changed. This is not a sad moment so pick your face up. Just think, at least 50% of our girlfriend time is spent talking about;

- Finding a good man
- Being cheated on by a man
- Leaving a no-good man
- Just met a man
- Somebody else’s man
- Man, man, man….

Now you get to spend your 50% talking about how Big Daddy keeps that smile on your face. Isn’t that beautiful?

Ladies, what role do your girlfriends play in your relationship?
Fella’s, do you feel like a third party in your own relationship?

Let your heart speak...I’m listening ….Holla at ya Gyrl!


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Will You Be His Best Cheerleader?

Monday, March 16th, 2009

toyagrn.JPGWomen are intrinsic nurturers, advisers, instructors, and teachers. We are so patient and loving. Even when it’s necessary to impart “tough love” we do so with a loving hand. We are commissioned to be so many things that our role becomes one big blur in the handling of our children and our Men. I often hear men complain they are treated like children at home. Now let me clarify before I continue: Some of you (Men) are treated like children because you act like a child: This topic is not for you.

I want my Gyrlfriends with real Men to take a breath (Inhale…now exhale),then read what I have to say with an open heart and an honest mind.

Did you know your man needs you to be his best Cheerleader? That means when he comes home from work, greet him with excitement, kiss him with passion, and listen. That is his instant band-aid for the wounds he collected through out the day. See, I don’t know how to walk in a Mans’ shoes because I’m not one; but I do know that life beats harder on Men than Women. Therefore when he comes home feeling defeated (and he will), don’t go into “fix it” mode by lecturing or giving instruction. Your expertise is not needed. Plus, he can get an opinion from anyone; but what he does need?! he can ONLY get from YOU. YOU are the reason he battles the world, roars the loudest and grudgingly tucks his tail sometimes when he really wants to tell his boss to go to Hell. YOU are his motivation so be available! Be available to listen, nurture, massage his shoulders, rub his head, lay with him etc. More importantly take- his- side. Make it clear you are here for him. Remember, this is his moment so don’t one up him with a comparison of how bad your day was.

I know I’m always pointing the finger at us and its likely your wondering is all that really necessary? Nope, it isn’t. It’s only necessary if you’re with a man you truly love and plan on spending your life with.

Will you be his Best Cheerleader? Speak to me….I’m listening….Holla at ya Gyrl !


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Have You Replaced Your Man with a Boy?

Saturday, March 7th, 2009

toyagrn.JPGIt is amazing how often Women will state, “I need a real man”, not realizing they have already had many. I know there are some crappy picks in the litter, but how can you truly measure the Crappy vs the Worthy if you never allow your man to step up to the plate. A man has to feel in his heart he is needed by his woman. If he is not valued in his own home, he will drift.

When a man falls in love with you he is hardwired to please you, stand up for you, protect you and be a Man to you. He wants to pay the bills, fix stuff around the house (even if he doesn’t have a clue what he’s doing), help you with chores, do his part with the children, and basically spoil you. But you make it difficult for him to own his role when you complain about everything he does. If he cleans the house, you point out what he missed; when he attempts to cook dinner you’re directing him on what to cook next time and how to cook it; when he is tough with the kids you undermine his authority in front of the kids, and if does anything on his own, your giving him unsolicited advice on how he can do it better the next time.

If your intentions were to commit yourself to a Man then stop treating him like a Boy! Talk to him with the respect he deserves, especially in front of his friends. You picked him and I’m assuming you would not choose a man you have no respect for, so back off a little.

I’m so relieved Men are not as “helpful” as we try to be :) They are so wonderful about not stepping into our territory and allowing us shine. Why not do the same for them?

Have you replaced your Man with a Boy? I’m listening…Holla at ya Gyrl!

Godspeed,

Latoya


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What’s Most Important To You? Love or the Number.

Sunday, February 22nd, 2009

toyagrn.JPGI am awestruck when in the presence of couples who have been married for decades. They recite their numbers with enormous pride and rightfully so. I find myself wanting to step into their shoes and know what love feels like after 20, 30, 40 plus years of marriage. I wait anxiously for the story behind the number, but it never follows; and when I ask questions such as, “what is the glue that keeps your marriage together? Or How do you stay together so long?” the question is proceeded with an uncomfortable silence. Although Love and Marriage are compatible with one another I bet if you asked the questions; How long have you been married? and How long have you been in love? It is likely you would get 2 different answers.

Our fixation with the number of years married seems to over-ride whether passion and deep love still exist. I had an “ah ha” moment when I was confided in by someone close to me married almost 30 years. In my life, this couple was comparable to the “Huxtables” ; envied by most, financially sound, and seemingly affectionate toward one another. A tragic event happened which lead me to her and as our conversation became more intimate she disclosed the details of her loveless marriage and regrets not divorcing at her 10 year mark. She described virtually two strangers living among each other raising children. Now in her late forties, she has accepted her way of life as being as good as it gets.

One of my biggest fears is to look back on my life in my old age and regret not having the courage to make a decision that would have changed my life. I don’t claim to fully understand love but I do know I have not been to the depth of it. I know I would never negotiate love for the sake of a number. I would never choose a number over love. How about you?

I want to know, how many of you find that your number of years married are synonymous (or not) with love….I’m listening…Holla at ya Gyrl !

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Has Cupid’s Arrow Hit the Center of Your Heart?

Wednesday, February 11th, 2009

toyagrn.JPGValentine’s Day is in 3 days! Ladies by now you should already have your Nani cosmetically and hygienically correct, your “smell good” lotion on deck and a sexy ass outfit complimenting the assets. Forget about being a Mama/Wife, bring out his Girlfriend and surprise him with something unexpected.
I hope you Daddies didn’t wait until now to plan your day. You know how you are and if you want your love day to begin and end with some loving you’d better appear to have had V-Day planned well in advance.

For guys, V-day is a no-brainer; it’s practically text book: 1. show up with flowers and/or chocolate, 2. go out to dinner, 3. tell your woman how fine she is. You do those things and you are guaranteed a night of good sex, I promise..Even if you’re single. See women will not spend V-day with someone they don’t want to have sex with. The moment she agreed to spend Valentine’s Day with you, the decision was made that very moment. You are chosen and it’s going down. The only way that changes is if YOU (Big Daddy) mess it up.
Fellas, may I recommend that you leave the dress up and costumes to the Ladies? Unless you are a Male Exotic Dancer for real, leave the g-string and stripper dancing to us. PLEASE don’t buy bikini underwear with 3d characters in the front. Better yet, don’t buy bikini underwear at all, or those corny heart boxer shorts. We (women) look sexy in fantasy wear; you (men) just look emasculated. Trust me, you have the prize and when it’s stiff that’s the best outfit ever.

Now that I have established and reaffirmed the Valentine’s Day rituals and faux pas, I’m asking the question; has cupid’s arrow hit the center of your heart? What are your plans for Valentines Day? I’m listening…Holla at ya Gyrl !

Godspeed
Latoya


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