I am awestruck when in the presence of couples who have been married for decades. They recite their numbers with enormous pride and rightfully so. I find myself wanting to step into their shoes and know what love feels like after 20, 30, 40 plus years of marriage. I wait anxiously for the story behind the number, but it never follows; and when I ask questions such as, “what is the glue that keeps your marriage together? Or How do you stay together so long?” the question is proceeded with an uncomfortable silence. Although Love and Marriage are compatible with one another I bet if you asked the questions; How long have you been married? and How long have you been in love? It is likely you would get 2 different answers.
Our fixation with the number of years married seems to over-ride whether passion and deep love still exist. I had an “ah ha” moment when I was confided in by someone close to me married almost 30 years. In my life, this couple was comparable to the “Huxtables” ; envied by most, financially sound, and seemingly affectionate toward one another. A tragic event happened which lead me to her and as our conversation became more intimate she disclosed the details of her loveless marriage and regrets not divorcing at her 10 year mark. She described virtually two strangers living among each other raising children. Now in her late forties, she has accepted her way of life as being as good as it gets.
One of my biggest fears is to look back on my life in my old age and regret not having the courage to make a decision that would have changed my life. I don’t claim to fully understand love but I do know I have not been to the depth of it. I know I would never negotiate love for the sake of a number. I would never choose a number over love. How about you?
I want to know, how many of you find that your number of years married are synonymous (or not) with love….I’m listening…Holla at ya Gyrl !
