Women are the most complex creatures God created. I imagine that when God realized Adam needed a help meet (Gen 2:18 KJV) even He may have rested his thumb and index finger on his chin, shook his head side to side, looked at all his holy materials and thought, “Where do I start?”
From Adams’ rib God created the only Helper and supporter you will ever need on this Earth. How else would we be able to fight you, love you, feed you, nurture you, smile for you (even when you don’t deserve one), and live with stretch marks for you?
When we truly love you, we are a damn good help meet. We know your needs whether you verbally express them or not, but….what we are not so good at is expressing what we need from you. In that aspect, we operate more on an emotional level than a practical one. Instead of just saying, “I need you to pay more attention to me,” we hope that you read our minds, our body language, heed our subtle sometimes enormous hints, or notice anything that will make you ask, “what’s wrong?”. Then….when you comply and ask the magic question, we reply with a pathetic, “nothing.” Which 99.9% of the time ALWAYS means it’s….. something!
Can I speak for myself and maybe a few other women and tell you what we need? What I need?
I need you to hug me first, hold me tight for no reason at all, tell me I’m beautiful, kiss me the way you used to, talk to me, trust me with your fears, surprise me with a gift, call me in the middle of the day and tell me how much you miss me, play with me, laugh with me, make love to me passionately, listen to me, be interested in me, & be my protector.
Me Me Me!…I know it may sound a little Me “ish”, but whether you choose to acknowledge it or not, this is what we need from you & likely won’t tell you.
Are we asking too much?…I’m listening, now Holla at ya Gyrl !
Godspeed
~Latoya~
Tags: Love, need, Relationships, what women need, woman, women
Latoya
no i dont think its too much “me” — ladies are givers and men are takers so for us to give back is unexpected and very appreciated i think — we have to remember to keep giving back and not take for granted
best wishes
Terry
I hear you…(most complex creatures God created)
Loud and Clear….(most complex creatures God created)
As You Whisper In My Ear
But when you don’t talk to me, you keep me guessing. As I treat you as my Queen, I just want to be treated as your King, your partner, your man, your best friend.
Holla at Me!!!
Talk to Me!!!
All jokes aside just communicate to me, I know it’s hard.
I’ve been trying on my other half for years and she still struggles. It all about her, and only part that’s about me or the kids is when we act an ass.
I think most of us (men) just need to be pointed in the right direction, but after guessing for years, we tend to wait to be instructed. If we love you we will bend over backwards to please you, but our back can only bend so far.
Now holding you tight is my desire, kissing you like I use too and making love to you passionately is always my intention, but all the rest of that is hard work, but I’ll work on it.
Keep speaking too, I need the help
X-Pres
X-Pres- We do take for granted that as much as We need those things so do you.
We are so used to seeing the hard exterior of a Man we forget to nurture the deeper part of you…the softer side that can’t be exposed to the world because you have to protect your home and family.
I know you said you will work on the rest of the “what I need” list and I applaud your effort to do that. Hopefully your loved one will take action before you find your Heart in someone else’s hands.
Godspeed
~Latoya~
NO THAT IS NOT AT ALL TOO MUCH TOO ASK, I MEAN WHEN YOU LOOK AT IT, MEN HAVE NO PROBLEM TALKING AND ASKING , SO WE KNOW WHAT THEY WANT, THAT IS WHY THEY GET WHAT THEY WANT, SEE AS WOMEN WE FEEL, WHY SHOULD WE TELL THEM, BECAUSE THAT IS THE ONLY WAY THESE MEN CREATURES KNOW. MOST OF THE TIME, MEN DON’T GET THE SIGNS, WHEN YOU COP ATTITUDES OR SIGH, THEY JUST DON’T GET IT, SO IT TAKES PRACTICE FOR THEM TO GET IT, SO THIS IS WHAT YOU DO, YOU SAY BABY, THIS WEEK I WANT YOU TO SURPRISE HUG ME TWICE, SAY YOU LOVE ME IN MY EAR IN THE MORNING, AND TELL ME BABY I AM YOUR PROTECTOR, AND SWITCH IT UP EVERYWEEK, AND SEE IF HE GETS A HOLD TO IT AND IT WILL BE A SURPRISE BECAUSE YOU DON’T KNOW WHEN HE IS GOING TO DO IT AND HE WILL DO IT BECAUSE HE LOVES YOU, IF HE DON’T OR DO SOMETHING STUPID, LIKE HUG YOU TWICE RIGHT THAN AND THERE, SAY HE LOVES AND SAYS HE IS YOUR PROCTECTOR ALL IN ONE BREATHE, THEN IT TIME FOR SOME ACTION, SURPRISE HIM WITH A T.V DINNER, INSTEAD GOOD WIFEY COOKING WHILE YOU SIT THERE AND EAT SOME SOUL FOOD, AFTER SEX , SIGH AND SAY ARE YOU DONE, I COULDN’T WAIT FOR THAT TO BE OVER, AND THAN DRESS SO SEXY HE CAN’T RESIST, AND APOLIGIZE BECAUSE THAT NIGHT YOU ARE GOING OUT WITH THE GIRLS, AND GIVE HIM TWO BIG HUGS AND SAY LOVE YA………
MS. NAY (KEEPING IT REAL)
I need you to hug me first, hold me tight for no reason at all, tell me I’m beautiful, kiss me the way you used to, talk to me, trust me with your fears, surprise me with a gift, call me in the middle of the day and tell me how much you miss me, play with me, laugh with me, make love to me passionately, listen to me, be interested in me, & be my protector.(PLEASE GET OVER THIS) Ladies, look be happy your man does this on occasion because you show me a brother that does this everyday and i’ll show you a man that has a woman on the side. You want us to read your minds, yea right. You say let’s go out we’re like okay what do you have a taste for your response I DON’T KNOW! Baby let’s go to Red Lobster you respond I don’t want seafood, what about Italian , ah NO! (WOW WHAT COMMUNICATION) So know what we do take your azz to Mcdonald’s and tell you to supersize it. Ladies are you crazy we’ve been knowing you for years why don’t you think we wouldn’t know about all the sighs and every little mood. Hell we’re tired of asking you what’s wrong because it’s the same thing (NOTHING).
Big Daddy although your comment is a little piercing, I actually agree with you..with almost all of your comment. You (Men) don’t have to do the stuff on my list ALLLLL the time, but when you totally deplete us of any of it we go from hungry to starving! We just need to know that You still feel the same way you did about us when you WERE giving us those long kisses, telling us how fine we look, and showing that you could put it down in the bedroom better than anyone else. When you are trying to get the Girl you do all that wonderful stuff, then years later it just STOPS!.
A Woman needs to hear SOME of those things come from your mouth at least once a month. Spread it out! Pick one statement from my list and tell your Girl. Next month pick a different statement and tell her. Really is it that hard????…
As Women, if we ask you to give that to us we expect you to react like your comment Big. That’s why a Woman will never tell you she needs to hear that from you. She wants to be a strong Woman for you.
Ultimately the decision is yours to treat and value your woman how you see fit.
~Latoya~
Yeah Right Words! I agree with BIG on this one, because we (men) do pretty much all that stuff in the beginning. I’ll keep this one short.
Like I was saying; the long kisses, the mid-day calls, the va-jay-jay hookups, flowers. All that stuff is great in the beginning.
Then six to ten months, a year or however long it takes for you (women) to prove your worth to your sig’ other enough for vows. That’s when it seems to happen…
0-6 mos: everything is still right on point.
7-12 mos: the va-jay-jay regimen drops off, replaced by MRS. COTTON’S famous nighttime wear.
13+mos: numerous other things begin to come to a head, (ie you drink too much, do i look fat, do you still love me, you never talk to me etc).
most of us ALL know the routine because we’ve been there at one time or another, or we are there now.
Ladies, ask yourselves…”Did I let the wedding cake change me?”
Because I’m pretty sure that most men would agree that WE do not change “MUCH”, because we do ask for much. And if we knew the outcome of the “Wedding Cake Effect”, before it actually happens, then I don’t believe that there would be many marriages. Fortunately WE don’t and this is the end result. Many marriages, and many divorces. It’s that 50/50 chance that we take for our Happy Ending.
If you women want things the way that were BEFORE marriage, you need to fix, correct, ammend, transform or what ever it is that women do to make it happen. MEN ARE EASY! We normally meet and marry from history. That first meeting, first kiss, even the first time you gave up the va-jay-jay… between the two of you, is enough to carry him to the grave.
When women start slacking and neglecting is when we would start hunting again…reverting to Primal Instincts. It’s not that we aren’t attracted to or not in love with you anymore. It’s just that you took away or stopped doing whatever it was that made him happy. (survival of the fittest). It may sound harsh, but it’s true.
El CID,
So then we are back to X-Pres’s point..COMMUNICATION.. It seems at some point it stops and BOTH sexes come to their own conclusion as to why they are being neglected.
What I’m getting from our back and forth exchanges from this topic and the last, is that there is a point in our relationships where we “hit the wall” and go to our Neutral corners then wait for the “other” person to make the first move. It’s clear you (men) know what you want and you know how to give and we know what we want and know how to give,…. but how do we get that to resonate years later? and how do we get to the point where we treat strangers better than our own spouses?
Big Daddy, El Cid, and X-Pres = thank you for coming on and being raw and honest. I hear what your saying and understand that men need the same way we do. So even if we beat each other up…keep keeping it true and honest..Now you can step back into the ring
~Latoya~
Hmmm….. tell me about it! My husband and I just had an argument in regards to the “What’s wrong?” “Nothing” thing. He said the exact same thing Big Daddy and x-Pres said. I totaly agree with you men. We do need to say what is wrong instead of “nothing” but what if we have already said what was wrong and you still are not doing anything about it. I can only speak for my self. I do get tired of saying what is wrong. I have beign married for 4 years and I can tell you that all the times my husband and I argue are over the same subject: money, cleaning, cooking, school, kids… Its just the same thing over and over and over and over… has he changed anything I have in many occations said was “wrong.” NO!!!! Have I NO!!! I hate men that say “I do EVERYTHING to make you happy, i always take initiative, I work hard (job) to keep you happy and give you what you want and need…. Blah…blah…blah… SHUT UP!!!! we also have to put up with a lot of ur (men) “Wedding Cake Effect” (as El Cid calles it). In a marriage we both put up with each other.
I try to treat my husband the way I want to be treated. But for some odd reason he just desides he is the King and stops trying. So I also stop. Call me selfish if you want. But if you are gonna give me a living hell… be ready to live in hell right next to me…
im sorry but i am so upset at the direction that this dialogue is taking. so if i am not mistaken the topic is primarily about communication and the lack there of in many situations.
i do not deny that sometimes women can be somewhat unclear in their communication, but does that generalize all women? also, is someone’s sex the sole cuase of a person’s inability to communicate effectively? i feel like when you make these types of generalizations you need to realize and acknowledge that there are exceptions to the rule … i.e. real or good women (however you call it)
now to the two men that have been making these … accusations and comments. you basically argue that we (women) are asking too much. is it too much to ask that a man show some sort of appreciation for your woman’s existence!!! this whole wedding cake mentality really has my mind boggled.
i really dont understand how a guy can have a problem with communication … it simple involves saying some words (duhh) communication is fundamental to any type of relationship … and this communication requires at least two people (the people in the reltionship at least) I just dont get where this bigg argument is coming from.
TJ
TJ,
I agree, so to stay on point, speaking from a man with 18yrs under his belt.
I say Yes…
You can tell me what you need. My goal is to please you, and at this point in my life I’m only happy if you are. But understand this is after years of trying to understand you, (and I stress trying), but I admit I have know friends with the same number of years under there belt where the tables were turned.
Terry pointed out earlier that men were taking and women are givers, but I disagree with that, I think we serve different roles to different people, A man can have one woman who worships the ground he walks on, and then the next woman in his life he chases behind her like a crack head, and this goes both ways ladies.
Now a day’s marriage is a joke, death till we part means, until you piss me off.
Toya states she wants to be hugged first, (and she should be), but if I didn’t hug you first before, why or how would I know to now, how can you hold it against me. I’m the person you picked to be your man, if I’m not fitting the mold let me know… give me the opportunity to realize that you want more out of me.
In my mind it all boils down to communication, two way, not mind reading.
And I don’t think any gender is at that point yet.
X-press
TW- HELL YEA YOU ask for too much and don’t know when to stop. You say we don’t appreciate you we appreciate you everyday. The fact that we wake up beside you every morning shows we appreciate you,When we get up to go and work to provide for you shows we appreciate you. When we come home and sit at the dinner table and bless our food together shows we appreciate you,when we lay you to bed and make sweet love to you shows we appreciate you. When you’re about to take a bath and you’re standing there BUTT NAKED we peek around the corner to take a glance shows we appreciate you. WHAT THE HELL DO YOU WANT!!!! (CAN I GET A WITNESS)
BIG DADDY ARE YOU SERIUOS , OR JUST HERE GETTING YOUR KICKS OUT OF GETTING A RISE OUT OF WOMEN, THE FACT YOU WAKE UP NEXT TO ME SHOWS YOU APPRECIATE ME, YOU SAY THE FACT YOU GO TO WORK AND PROVIDE FOR US, NOW WHAT IF WE BOTH WORK AND PUTTING THE FOOD ON THE TABLE, I MEAN UNLESS YOU TELL ME KEEP MY PAYCHECK TO MYSELF, I DON’T SEE THE DIFFERENCE. THAT IS CRAZY, YOU KNOW WHEN YOU MEN FIRST HOLLA AT US, YOU KNOW WHEN YOU SEE US AND COURT US OVER THE PHONE, SAYING HOW WE ARE YOUR QUEEN, DO ANYTHING FOR MY WOMAN, OH I PLEASE MY WOMAN AND THAN AFTER A COUPLE OF YEARS YOU SOUND LIKE BIG DADDY. JUST STOPPING US FROM OUR BUSY SCHEDULE ONCE EVERY TWO MONTHS OR SO AND RUB MY FEET, TELL ME HOW SPECIAL I AM AND HOW YOU APPRECIATE THE THINGS I DO, MAKE ARRANGEMENTS ON YOUR OWN FOR THE KIDS AND MAKE IT A WIFEY NIGHT IS ALL WE NEED TO BE SATISFIED FOR THE NEXT COUPLE OF MONTHS, SEE WE ONLY WANT WHAT YOU SAY YOU WANT TO GIVE WHEN YOU FIRST HOLLA AT A SISTA, NOW WHEN WE WANT TO SEE YOUR WORDS COME TO LIGHT, YOU HAVE A PROBLEM. (WHEN YOU SIT AT THE DINNER TABLE, IT SHOWS YOU APPRECIATE US), I REALLY NEED A CENSUS ON THAT ONE……THAT IS A COLD PIECE…
MS. NAY(KEEPING IT REAL)
SOME WOMEN NEED TO COME TO THE COLD REALITY THAT MAYBE YOUR MAN, DUDE, BABY-DADDY, OR EVEN HUSBAND REALLY DOES’T LOVE YOU. DO YOU THINK THAT EVERY DUDE WHO STANDS IN FRONT OF A PREACHER IN A TUX OR SUIT IS IN LOVE. MANY PEOPLE ARE QUICK TO QUOTE THE PHRASE, “ACTIONS SPEAK LOUDER THAN WORDS” BUT REALLY DON’T BELIEVE IT. SOME OF US (MEN), AS SOME OF YOU SISTAS HAVE ALREADY STATED, DO WHATEVER IT TAKES TO GET WHAT WE WANT. SO YEAH, WHEN WE FIRST MET, I DID THE HUGGING, KISSING, TALKING THING. SO NOW THAT I DON’T DO IT ANYMORE, YOU AS A WOMAN, SHOULD ASK YOURSELF. IS IT BECAUSE I JUST GOT LAZY OR I JUST DON’T, OR NEVER DID, LOVE YOU. DON’T THINK FOR ONE SECOND THAT A MAN CAN’T STOP LOVING YOU (EVEN IF HE EVER DID). I THINK PEOPLE USE THE WORD LOVE EXTREMELY TOO LOOSELY. NOW I KNOW MOST WOMEN DO NOT WANT TO ACCEPT THAT MAYBE THE MAN THAT THEY HAVE BEEN DEALING WITH FOR SO MANY YEARS MIGHT NOT LOVE THEM, BUT IT JUST MIGHT BE TRUE, REGARDLESS OR HOW MANY TIMES YOU’VE HEARD THE WORDS COME OUT OF HIS MOUTH. FOR YOU BELIEVERS AND UNBELIEVERS ALIKE. THE BIBLE SAYS THAT GOD IS LOVE. SO I BELIEVE THAT THE CAPACITY THAT I LET HIM (GOD) LIVE, MOVE, AND HAVE HIS BEING IN ME, IS THE SAME CAPACITY THAT I’M ABLE TO LOVE MYSELF AND ANYONE ELSE (MY GIRL, BABY-MOMMA, BUST-IT BABY). THIS DOES NOT MEAN THAT PEOPLE WHO CLAIM TO KNOW GOD, HAVE THE LOVE THING MASTERED. AND WE SHOULD KNOW THAT YOU DON’T HAVE TO GO TO CHURCH TO KNOW GOD.
IF THE ONE THAT CREATED YOU, LIVES IN ME, THEN THEIR WOULD BE A WHOLE LOT OF THINGS YOU WOULDN’T HAVE TO NECESSARILY TELL ME ABOUT YOU FOR ME TO KNOW.
WOMEN JUST SLOW DOWN. STOP TRYING TO STUFF SQUARE PEGS INTO ROUND HOLES. YOU REALLY SHOULD REALIZE THE POWER THAT YOU POSSESS IN ANY RELATIONSHIP WITH A MAN.
THIS SHOULD BE MOST PEOPLE’S STATEMENT TO THEIR MATE. “I LOVE YOU, AS MUCH AS I UNDERSTAND LOVE”. NOW IN OUR RELATIONSHIPS, LETS EMBARK UPON A JOURNEY OF UNDERSTANDING WHAT LOVE IS TOGETHER. DOESN’T THAT SOUND BEAUTIFUL.
Dexter that does sound beautiful but it doesn’t mean anything if one stands at the alter with someone they don’t Love. Unless the woman is Oprah or Oprah like ($$) why would a man do that? I think most people start off with the intention of Love. Even if they don’t fully understand it that basic intention to Love who you stand before is there.
I will take some responsibility for us and agree Women do SOMETIMES try to fit square pegs into round holes, but you as a Man also has the responsibility to know our shapes don’t link or connect! How about a man telling a woman; “Hey your a square peg, I’m a round hole…we just don’t fit.” Then you won’t have to worry about what she needs.
~Latoya~