1. I
2. DON’T
3. NEED
4. A
5. MAN
From my teens to early twenties I used to be part of the “I don’t need a man!” club. Sista’s who appeared successful, confident and having it all seemed to be singing the same song. I, being a young impressionable woman, trying to paint my own path, thought I had to join in the chorus to be respected by men.
Many of us were lead to believe a woman’s Independence is synonymous with being void of a man and what he brings to the table. Although the feminist movement is long gone, its basic beliefs are ever existent. We are supposed to be smarter, competitive, bring home bigger salaries and better groceries…oh and my favorite…we don’t even need men to have children anymore! We can now go to Sperm R Us and buy as much as we want eliminating the hassle of having SEX with a man!!! How did we ever get caught in this web of ideology? I was born into it, so even I don’t know!
But what I do know is a Man’s inherent nature. He was created to lead, take charge, supply, and protect. He is the hunter vying for position in your life. He wants to be your warrior and is eager to thrust himself into battle against beast, just for you; and in five words, you’ve stripped away his purpose.
Let’s just stop a moment and let that sit…In five words, you’ve stripped away His purpose; His God given right to care for you, protect you, bring food to you, lift you above his shoulders, above himself.
Most women who scream “I don’t need a man” the loudest are the very ones trying to figure out what went wrong relationship after relationship…No surprise to me.
Whew!!! I bet you didn’t even realize you were doing all that. You thought you were showing him what a good job you’ve done on your own and now all you need from him is Love…
Today, I’m in the “I Need, Love, and Appreciate a Man” club and I’m one member strong thus far. Anyone else joining?
Godspeed
~Latoya~
Toya,
As I have been reading you topics for the past couple of weeks (and loving them) I have always hesitated to chime in. but on this topic, I’ve decided to get my feet wet…
I love the way you break down the Man’s Role, I think it was dead on.
That’s Our Role “My Role”
To Love and Cherish You…
To treat you as the Queen you are.
But I must admit it’s hard as HELL to do so when you think you don’t need me.
In the new era of CHANGE we all must understand that our roles have changed, not a lot, but to the point that we are a Union, a Team, OUR money builds OUR castle, It’s not a contest, it’s a relationship. OUR relationship.
It’s not easy, It’s a fight, almost the fight of your life if your love is true. So let him be in control (even though you know he’s not) and will let you when a argument (even though you didn’t) and It will end up being apart of OUR Love and OUR Life.
So where I may not be a club member; I’m donating to the cause, and offering my full support.
X-Pres
Hey Latoya!
I found you under the let your husband have his girlfriend post on Shine, completely agreed and followed you here… I love hearing a Black woman speak the praises of a real man… A real man, I say, not just a man… Because it seems like we have the principle down, we just choose the wrong men to follow, then get mad when they don’t behave appropriately… Treating us with disrespect, leading us down the wrong path, not showing us that they appreciate our worth… Once we find that they are the wrong one for the job, we stay anyway… Hoping things will change instead of accepting the fact that he is not the one that God sent for us… After a 6 year relationship that went nowhere, I was a member of the I Don’t Need a Man club, but you know what? I found a man that I can trust, that I can let be in control (even though I know when he’s not), that lets me win arguments (even when he knows I didn’t), that will lift me over his shoulders when I need him to and let me stand on my own two and fight beside me when necessary, that appreciates me and all I do for him, for me and for us to make us a better and stronger unit… If you’re the President, I’d like to nominate myself for VP… lol
X-PRES..I love the way you say “it’s a fight, almost the fight of your life if your love is true.” You represent how hard Men are willing to fight for their Relationships. Thank you for “chiming in”. Your words really touched me.
MICHELLE..Hey Gyrl!..Oh..I’m so glad you followed me here! and Yes you can be the V.P. of my new club. Men like X-Pres makes it so easy be part of the “I Need, Love and Appreciate a Man” Club. Thank you for sharing some gyrlfriend time with me, and I hope you continue to stay tuned and check out my upcoming topics.
Godspeed
~Latoya~
Toya,
I DON’T NEED A MAN is a major issue among Black women today. Its one reason Black Men are going the other way. I read the response by X-PRES., and I can agree with a few things. We want to Love and Cherish and treat you like queens as long as you’re treating us like KINGS. I have to disagree when he says it’s hard, because it’s not. Todays men that i know feels if you think you don’t need them then get to stepping trust me it’s that easy. UNION,TEAM,OUR money builds our castle (GOOD THING). But it’s not a fight never should be with true love. The only thing I can think of when fighting for a relationship is when you’ve got caught up in something that’s when you fight. Relationships are a 100/100 with the men running things and the women supporting. The problem with that is you don’t wont to support you want to run it.
BIG- We have different interpretations of what Xpres is saying.
People fight for things that have meaning and value in their lives ..especially their relationships.
If you feel you are with your “true love” and your relationship is falling apart your impulse is to fight. That might end up being the fight of your life! because as we know its so easy to grow complacent and place each others need on the back burner.
I do agree each person should be giving 100% in all aspects of the relationship.
I don’t mind being on the Support team because I feel Men ARE the heads of their household…The problem is that there are a lot of men who want to be Big Daddy, but not handle Big Daddy responsibilities..so reluctantly…the Woman has to step in and give it her best shot. (But thats another topic).
By the way…..Since you wrote your name in all caps, I will assume you are a real Big Daddy and not one of the fakers!
Godspeed
~Latoya~
TOYA- People fight for things that have meaning and value in their lives ..especially their RELATIONSHIPS. My question is why waste time on something that is not meant to be. You say you feel like you’re with your true love but it’s falling apart your impulse shouldn’t be to fight but to realize this just is not meant to be. Why keep fighting and fighting for something when 9 times out of 10 it never solves anything. To me to keep fighting only makes me think people are afraid of change. Women say their is a shortage of BLACK MEN, HELL it’s probably because of all the fighting.
Big- Don’t you have to fight first before you realize you are fighting for a lost cause?
It sounds like your relationships don’t even get a 1st chance let alone a 2nd one, because after the first arguement, fight etc.. your giving her the walking papers!
Your right when you say some people fear change, but that’s not the case all the time.
Since you’re BIG DADDY in all caps, lets roll with this scenario: you may have a woman who feels you encompass every aspect of the term BIG DADDY, the man of her dreams….but…… there are a few character flaws she could live without. Lets say those flaws magnify and now your fighting about it. I wouldn’t be mad if she FOUGHT for YOU and the relationship because all your goodness out weighs the flaws. Even if she isn’t successful, her decision to fight for you was based on her genuine belief you were or could be her everything, her “true love”.
You and I are going back and forth over X-pres’s comment..hopefully he will come on again and bring some balance and further explanation to his comment.
~Latoya~
Toya- First I need to explain something to you about BIG DADDY. I chose that name and email address MYBROBIGDADDY because of a very dear friend I lost 4 yrs. ago. But now back to things at hand, What are we talking about here? I give relationships all the chances in the world if it’s something of reason not fighting. Don’t sit there and say you’re tired of something that i’ve been doing since you’ve known me and all of a sudden it’s a problem. If you knew I was like this when we started why all of a sudden it’s a problem. As far as flaw is concerned that can go from leaving a cabinet door open to stealing for no reason. But to be real I can only say yea baby I cheated on you yea I’ll fight for you, I’m sorry honey I lost the kids college fund I’ll fight for you, But baby it only happened once I’ll fight for you, and if you feel you want to fight for that more power to you because if the shoe was on the other foot you know the saying SEE YOU WOULDN’T WANNA BE YOU!
BIG- I get what your saying because that is my biggest peeve..making a problem of something that was never a problem before. I wrote a topic on that very subject…the point i’m making with X-press’s comment is that I can understand why someone would give a strong effort to try and save their relationship, even if its false hope (most of the time it is)….. I’m just saying I get the mentality.
If you read some of my other topics you will see I often refer to Men as Big Daddy…so I apologize.I didn’t realize your title had a different meaning….but you know you still Big Daddy in my book!
Damm… A lot is been said in such a short time.
Toya, thanks for feeling me, and Big or Daddy you took me way off point. A feel half of what you are saying but, but we split at the end.
I feel that WE come into a (true) relationship with expectations, You have a ideal of what a wife/girlfriend is, and she has an ideal of what a husband/boyfriend is, then after five or six years (for some 2 to 3 years) you realize that you both were way off point. In today’s setup we have set the standard to just start all over, hit the club, by her a drink, “BAM” your back in business. But that gets old quick especially when you see her or him with someone else, and you see them happy like you use to be happy, and then the sad part you look over a see the substitute, the quick fix that was to help you get over her or him.
But guess what it didn’t work. AND THAT’S WHEN YOU REALIZE YOU SHOULD HAVE FOUGHT FOR IT.
Not Her, but it “your love for her”
Now that’s me
Look forward to your next topic…
Keep me straight “BIG”
WELL GOODNESS GRACIOUS IT APPEARS I HAVE MISSED OUT ON ALOT, SORRY MY PEOPLE BUT I HAVE BEEN VERY BUSY, BUT I DO COME BACK TO AN INTERESTING TOPIC AND INTERESTING COMMENTS, AND YOU KNOW ME, LET’S BREAK THIS DOWN, FIRST I READ THE COMMENT FROM BIG DADDY SAYING MAYBE BECAUSE OF ALL THE FIGHTING, THIS IS WHY MEN GO THE OPPOSITE WAY…WOOOHHH COWBOY, I KNOW MEN WHO WILL FIGHT WITH EVERY WOMAN ON THE PLANET BEFORE THEY GO THE OTHER WAY, BUT A MAN WILL NEVER GO THE OTHER WAY UNLESS HE IS PLAIN AND SIMPLE GAY, NO BI CURIOUS, NON OF THAT CRAP WE WANT TO SAY TO SOFTEN IT UP, BECAUSE THE NANA HAS A POWER, AND HE MIGHT NOT WANT TO ARGUE SO HE JUST GO OUT AND FIND MORE NANA, NOT GO THE OTHER WAY. NOW I DO AGREE WITH YOU ABOUT MEN ARE TO LEAD AND WOMEN ARE TO FOLLOW AND SUPPORT, BUT ALOT OF US ARE TOO BUSY TRYING TO LEAD ALSO, EVEN WITH THAT WHEN TWO MEN GET TOGETHER, WHO IS THE LEADER, BUT ANYHOOT, I DO BELIEVE THAT, BUT I ALSO THINK THE PROBLEM IS , THAT ALOT OF US BLACK WOMEN HAVE BEEN LEADING FOR SO LONG IT IS HARD TO LET GO, NOT THAT WE DON’T WANT TO LET GO, BUT YOU FINALLY GET CONTROL OVER YOUR LIFE FROM ALL DRAMA AND CHAOS AND YOU FINALLY SETTLED AND HERE COMES THIS MAN AND YES HE MIGHT BE A GOOD MAN, BUT YOU DON’T KNOW HOW TO LET GO,,,,WHY? NOT BECAUSE WE WANT TO ARGUE, BUT BECAUSE WE ARE SCARED. UNDERSTAND FEAR CAUSES ALOT OF DRAMA, YOU ARE SCARED TO TAKE THAT CHANCE AGAIN AND HAVE TO START ALL OVER. BUT THE TOPIC IS DIFFERENT AND I FEEL SOME WOMEN DONT REALLY NEED A MAN AND ARE VERY CONTENT WITH OCCASSIONAL BOOTY CALLS, I DONT CONDONE IT , BUT HEY, I FEEL US AS A PEOPLE ARE EQUALLY THE BLAME FOR THIS, I THINK WHEN WOMEN SAY THEY DONT’ NEED A MAN, I DON’T THINK THEY DONT NEED A MAN TO LOVE THEM, TO TAKE CARE OF THEM, THEY ARE SAYING THEY DONT’ NEED TO RAISE A MAN, IF HIS MAMA DIDN’T DO IT, THAN DAMIT, KEEP IT MOVING, I THINK SOME WOMEN ARE JUST TIRED OF THE B.S, YOU KNOW THE SAYING “I CAN DO BAD BY MYSELF”, AS WOMEN WE JUST DON’T NEED NO MORE ADDED RESPONSIBLITIES WITH CLEANING, COOKING, TAKING CARE OF THE KIDS, GOING TO WORK, HAVING A PERIOD EVERY MONTH AND THAN TO HAVE A MAN THAT DON’T STEP UP AND TAKE CHARGE, WHEN YOU HAVE IT UNDER CONTROL, YOU SORT OF DON’T WANT TO TAKE THAT RISK, BUT THAT IS NOT ME,,,,,,SISTER GIRL NEED A MAN FOR ALL KIND OF STUFF…..
MS.NAY “KEEPING IT REAL”
Nay Nay- WHAT!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!
Nay- I have to defend BIG DADDY because I think by “the other way” he meant outside of our race (Black Women) and into other races………White Women!
TIME OUT!!! Why is everyone getting so bent out of shape? I see a lot of I, I, I…saying “what I would do if that were me”.
X-PRESS: You’re Right…because that is your outlook on how it should be.
“Fight for what you believe to be ‘your true love’”. Fight long/hard enough for it and everything will (hopefully) work out.
Big: You’re also correct, because the “rules of engagement” don’t “miraculously” change between relationships. Meet, court/hook-up (or whatever you want to call it), then become an exclusive pair. No outsiders allowed. Any fighting to be done, should have been caught before becoming an item together.
Either way…This is a total judgement call by the individual in “their” relationship. REMINDER: the topic is, “I DON’T NEED A MAN”, not I Don’t Need a Man to My Mind Up For Me.
Some Fight…Some Don’t. Situational position in a relationship is a compromise. Like it or not, we each bring into EVERY relationship we enter, that Emotional Baggage of what WE (individually) think a relationship should be. Whether its not to be a deadbeat dad like “my” father was or not to be overbearing like “my” parents were or not to be abusive to “my” kids like “my” mom was. Whatever it is, we try to improve and be better than the dysfunctional relationships that we witnessed or were a part of in OUR early years.
And the bottom line should be what “your” expectations are for that particular man or woman in your life, and not “your prior relationships.
OH THE OTHER RACE, OKAY THAN HE NEEDS TO BE MORE CLEAR, BECAUSE I WAS NOT FEELING THAT, SO I CAN ADMIT WHEN I AM WRONG, MY BAD MR. BIG DADDY, BUT LIKE ME EXPRESS HOW I FEEL ABOUT THAT, GOING TO THE OTHER SIDE. WELL I HAVE DON’T SEE A PROBLEM WITH THAT IF THAT IS YOUR PREFERANCE, BUT WHEN YOU GO THERE BECAUSE IT IS SAID ALL BLACK WOMEN ARGUE AND FIGHT, WELL NOW THAT BECOMES A PROBLEM, BECAUSE NOW YOU ARE DISCRIMINATING AGAINST US, NOT ALL BLACK WOMEN ARE FIGHTERS AND STRONG OPINIONATED, ALOT OF US WOMEN KNOW HOW TO BALANCE THINGS OUT, BE STRONG WHEN NEEDED AND TAKE THE BACK SEATED WHEN IT NEEDED, ALOT OF WHITE WOMEN FUSS AND FIGHT ALSO, IT IS ALL ABOUT WHO YOU GET. NOW IF YOU LIKE OTHER RACES MORE POWER TO YOU, THERE IS NOTHING WRONG WITH THAT, BUT WHEN YOU SAY YOU ARE GOING TO THE OTHER SIDE BECAUSE OF HOW BLACK WOMEN ARGUE AND FIGHT, I THINK THAT IS JUST A COPE OUT , AND A WEAK MAN.
MS.NAY (KEEPING IT REAL)
AND THE COMMENT I LEFT IS NOT A PERSONAL ATTACK AGAINST BIG DADDY, YOU KNOW NOW DAYS YOU HAVE TO BE SERIOUSLY CLEAR, BECAUSE THE WORLD IS SO SENSITIVE, AND CRY BABIES, IN GENERAL BIG DADDY , BUUUUTTTTT IF THIS SCENARIO IS FITTING YOU, THAN YEAH I GUESS IM TALKING ABOUT YOU…..
MS. NAY(KEEPING IT REAL)
good one toya!!!women have to realize every single man they date or see is totally different in areas.however,where he is strong at…appreciate it…where he is weak at talk to him an help him work on it…not chastize an disrespect.i have always been strong of critcism an can dish it out as well as take it….men who are weaker in those area may walk out the door…does that make me stronger than he…no …..we will never no because once the fire has been spit or seed has been planted …possibly wonderful relationships are ruined behind of a womans previous relationship woes or mean previous woes.value who u are with for what they are ,who they are…and why u love them.we all have are issues….when your car makes a funny rumbling noise do u still get to work on x???does that make it a bad car??does it get you home an to cash ya check???ladies you cant keep buying a new car everytime something goes wrong…!peace!
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