Love is such a beautiful thing. As cliché as that may sound, I would be doing an injustice trying to make is sound better or new age. For example, let’s examine Love and a Classic Martini. No matter how many different variations of a Martini created, nothing is more appreciated than a Classic Martini. A Classic Martini is pure, untouched, undiluted, and unmixed as goes the same with Love. Love makes a broken voice sound melodic, old people feel young again, and a down and out spirit renewed. Love gives one the Courage to prevail because his mission is not only about him anymore. Almost every song and poem written is about Love and in the Bible 1 Corinthians 13: 4-13 speaks of Love being the greatest gift.
Love is also complex, reckless, and irresponsible. When you were young and in Love you planned your whole life with your boyfriend/girlfriend and I bet none of the planning included financial strategy. Love just always seemed powerful enough to pick up the tab.
Then we grow, become wiser and more experienced “Relationshipers” and all the pureness we had in our hearts become tainted. The innocence and ideology of Love is altered because of those who broke our hearts. Therefore instead of wiping the slate clean when a new person comes along, we bring them in with a hard heart and provisions thus eliminating our focus to discern true Love. Another cliché which opposes my opening one is, True love is hard to find. I feel we are all destined to experience true Love, but our own selfishness or desperateness blocks the blessing that awaits. Most of us are on extreme sides of the scale. Either;
1. We are so desperate for Love that we give our heart to everyone who comes along, or;
2. We have been so hurt by Love that we push away those who truly Love us.
How do we get to the middle?
We can start by leaving our old relationship garbage on the side walk for the garbage man to pick up. Negative emotions such as resentment, hate, and jealousy carry with us if not dealt with and eliminated prior to entering a new relationship. In order to let Love in, you have to prepare your heart for it just as a host would prepare a room for a guest. When a room is prepared for a guest, there is no evidence of the prior guest. The room is cleansed and made anew as should be with your heart. Are you ready to let Love in? I’m listening! All you have to do is Holla at ya Gyrl!
Godspeed
~Latoya~
Tags: find love, In Love, Love, Relationships, self love
Can I be the first to point out another cliche: Some things are much easier said than done.
~T.J.
T.J.
what does that cliché mean to you? and tell me some of your experiences regarding Love.
Latoya
To me that cliche just means that thing seem really simple in your mind. Like everything is logical and makes sense and you feel like all you have to do is do it. But once you start actually trying to do the actions you realize that it is much harder than you expected.
I think this is especially true when it involves anything that has to do with feelings. In your mind when you are thinking about it you dont really feel the emotions that your decision involves but when you actually put your plan into motion your start to feel the pain and everything else and it becomes harder to do.
In terms of your description I am one of those people who has been hurt and won’t let anybody in. I was in love once … We were together for about 5 years then I became pregnant and gave birth to my son. Shortly after my son was born he became involved with someone else and when he stopped coming home at night I found him at his new lovers house, with her daughter and not at home with me and our newborn son. And also I should mention that the 5 years were not a fairy tale either but we worked through a lot of things.
Then about a year ago I felt like i could start dating again and I ended up dating this guy who I have known for a while and he just became a teacher at the high school my parents went to, Domingez High School in Compton. Se he has a job, a car, has his finances in order, has saved to purchase his first homeint he near future and is a sweetheart. So I opened my heart a little. Come to find out he and his “ex-fancee” were still living together and they broke up supposedly when I found out, conveniently.
This whole love thing I just feel isnt for me. And there have been others who I have dated and found fault with. I dont know why niggas just cant tell the truth but that is where people get into trouble wiht me. I am just happy by myself. Yeah, sometimes I feel lonely and wish I had someone to lay next to or just hug at might but I aint letting anybody in my heart for a while … I guess I am afraid.
~T.J.
Bad Relationships are going to happen. It is up to you to determine when it’s time to exit. The reason you feel “Love Thing” is not for you is because you have’nt been with anyone who is worthy, and you know what? It’s o.k. These men you have dealt bring to realization what you DON’T want in a man. You are a young woman who is truly on the grind and paving a future for you and your son. Going to college, working, and raising your son?! That is beyond Commendable. You have too much on your plate to be weighed down by the Bull Crap. When the time is right Love will find a place in your heart, and it will be with a man who appreciates everything You.
In the meantime, date and be social but NO committments to anyone. The most important tasks for you right now is finishing college and taking care of your son.
Godspeed
~Latoya~
I’m a strong believer that u can’t help who you fall in love with. I know after leaving my husband after only 17 months of marriage was the hardest thing I could do. I have been hurt so much in this relationship but felt like this was my husband and I had to just work it out. After getting his baby mama pregnant again after we were only married for 3 months I stuck it out only to be slapped in the face by everything else he did to me. I promised myself I would never love anyone the way that I loved him. I vowed to love myself first and foremost and if love happened again then it just did, but I was going to try my best for it not to happen. But, exactly 30 days after I separated from my husband I met the man I am with now. Falling in love with him was the hardest thing I have ever done. Because I was so hurt by my ex I gave the new man the hardest time ever. Now that me and him are in a relationship I look for any and everything to argue about. I always think he’s cheating and it’s very hard for me to trust him even after almost 2 years of a relationship. I knew when I met him I really wasn’t ready for love just ready for companionship that I was missing from a man. But i couldn’t stop the fact that I was falling in love. But the fact that I wasn’t ready and I hadn’t properly dealt with all my pain and issues in my previous relationship mad it very difficult. Now in the past couple of weeks I have been praying and learning to deal with these issues and completely get over my failed marriage so I can completely love a man that I know loves me unconditionally. What’s truly funny is I know that I love him, I want to marry him but all I see is my past relationship and it seems to put things to an abrupt stop. But, thank God I do have a man who is patient and still loves no matter what I do or say.
Jade you do have a good man, because he is willing to hang in there while you sort through your failed first marriage. You never put the garbage out on the curb therefore your heart was not prepared for a new guest. If this is truly the man you see yourself with forever and after, you have to stop allowing the man (your ex) who was NOT worthy of you to still have control over your heart. Basically when your marriage ended, you never took your heart back. You left it with Mr. Unworthy to do with it what he will. Take it back and move forward. It’s never an easy process. That’s why it’s a process because you have to work through it, then vow to let it go forever and ever. Let Mr. Wonderful be accountable for his own mistakes, not his and your exes’.
Can we make a vow together? This is your gyrlfriend talking to you and I’m telling you what I hope you would tell me if I needed you to have my back.
Ready for the vow? Make a vow to not punish Mr. Wonderful for Mr. Unworthy’s mistakes. Also do not be a Woman who allows a good man to walk away because your past is still hovering. Repent it and quit it! then enjoy the rest of your life…Oh yeah and give Big Daddy a proper Hello tonight
Godspeed
~Latoya~
tw3sajr,
you have been given some very good advice by Toya. You have a lot on your plate, you should be just date and be social “NO COMMITTMENTS”
Your story reminds me a lot about myself. My daughter’s father took off when she was about 3 months old. One day I came home and all of his belongings were gone. I was devastated. I didn’t want to eat, or sleep, I was very depressed. I got on my knees I asked God to take away the hurt, and make a way for me to go to attend college. Well I’m here to say, I have two degrees, my daughter’s in college, and most important of all the HURT IS GONE.
I began by dating myself, I would get dressed up to out to dinner by myself, go to concerts, and the movies. I know to some people this would sound crazy, but when you take time to date yourself, you give yourself time to heal, and you begin to know your likes and dislikes. Do you want a man to pull the chair out for you when you go to a restaurant, open the car door for you, and/or someone who can hold a good conversation? These are just some of the questions you begin to ask yourself. It’s takes a strong person to do this because some of your friends would not understand. It’s important to take time for yourself and evaluate your life and determine which direction your headed and with whom you would like to come along for the ride, someone that’s going to add vaule, or someone that will devalue all your goals and apsirations it’s important we know the difference.
;-` I am really thankful to this topic because it really gives useful information :;”