Anytime you place the word “Step” in front of Mother or Father suddenly there’s an apologetic tone in the air. Many Step-parents have “stepped” up to the plate energetically taking on a position sometimes offering more woes than wonder.

Unlike biological parents, step-parents are deemed crappy until proven worthy. This is the adopted stigma before we are even old enough to read. Our childhood Fairytales almost always involve an evil step-parent seeking the demise or destruction of the inherited child for self-seeking purposes. The truth of the matter is: Step-parents are faced with the difficulty of trying to build a relationship with new children while not ignoring the needs of their biological ones.

First; there is the “Honeymoon” period, so to speak, where the step-parent makes an extraordinary effort to woo the child. This means he may have to bend his own child-rearing beliefs to establish trust and win favor. During this period, the biological children may be held to a higher standard of “getting along”. Once the honeymoon is over, what follows is walking the fine line of discipline. Should the step-parent discipline or steer clear from it? Is it fair to discipline biological children for something you may “look the other way” for with step-children? And if you “look the other way” does it give the step-child the perception the biological child is cared for more than him?

When entering this arena, there are always dilemmas to face, compromises to make, and days when the “S” on your chest isn’t so luminous. Despite the negative fairytales, step parenting can be a wonderful experience. It’s all in the approach;

- Never draw enemy lines with the kids. You’re not there to save a family; you are part of it so stay away from any unnecessary power moves.
- Discuss disciplinary measures with your spouse well in advance. All parents should be on board and informed of the consequences.
- Patience, patience, patience. It takes time to build any relationship that is going to be long-lasting so don’t give up when it looks like a storm is coming.

The fairytale stigma of step-parenting may not change however, in the real world people do recognize the honor in blending a family to make it complete.

Have you “stepped” up to the plate as a step-parent? What are your parenting woes and wonders?
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In my years, I’ve encountered many a people shouting the end is near and no one, including myself, has given them more time than it takes the words to fade into the atmosphere. However if you place a news camera in front of these town criers and have a reporter ask a few questions…..well, now the story gains foundation and a semblance of truth.

I am one of the few who slept like a newborn baby on doomsday eve. Man has been given control over many things, but predicting death and the end of the world just isn’t one of them. Nevertheless, self-proclaimed “predictor” Harold Camping admits being “flabbergasted” the world didn’t end. At 89 years old, many may chalk it up as babble, but I don’t think he should skate so easily. Since Mr. Camping has referenced himself a Prophet, I think he should demonstrate his divine ability to…um…prophesize.

Other than proving the media can be as foolish as we all imagine, Mr. Camping learned another truth: God gives no one heads up on the day or the hour of the End: not even Mr. Camping.

Californian Republican Party official Marilyn Davenport has finally apologized after collapsing under the scrutiny and outrage of those she serves: The American people.

Marilyn Davenport thought it to be nothing more than a light-hearted joke when she circulated an email depicting President Barack Obama and his parents as chimpanzees with the caption: “Now you know why – no birth Certificate!” Davenport contends, “In no way did I even consider the fact he is half black when I sent out the email.” Well Ms. Davenport, maybe you should have. Furthermore her lack of willingness to sincerely admit her faux pas is reminiscent of the Civil Rights Era. Her initial response,”Oh, come on! Everybody who knows me knows that I am not a racist. It was a joke. I have friends who are black. Besides, I only sent it to a few people–mostly people I didn’t think would be upset by it” exhibits a woman more irritated by the fact her character is called to question rather than someone who made an honest mistake.

The 74 year-old Tea Party activist and member of the Orange County Republican Central Commission later issued a more watered down apology: “To my fellow Americans and to everyone else who has seen this e-mail I forwarded and was offended by my action, I humbly apologize and ask for your forgiveness of my unwise behavior, I say unwise because at the time I received and forwarded the e-mail, I didn’t stop to think about the historic implications and other examples of how this could be offensive, I would never do anything to intentionally harm or berate others regardless of ethnicity, everyone who knows me knows that to be true.” Many GOP members have condemned her actions and are calling for her resignation.

Because the revised apology dons a tone of sincerity does not mean all consequences should be removed. The bottom line is; at 74 years old this woman has lived long enough to know right from wrong, moral from immoral, racist from non-racist. What’s done in the dark will always come to light and Ms. Davenport the light has been shed upon you!

The Associated Press reports as recent as today 12 taxi drivers and passengers were found dead in a span of 3 days beginning with this past Friday (2/18/2011). Of the 12, 1 was beheaded. January 2011 Associate press reported 31 dead in 4 days. Of the 31, 2 were police officers and 14 were decapitated. This violence isn’t limited to Acapulco, it is spread across the cities of Mexico and nowhere is safe. Juan Carlos Echeverri, a student of El Paso High School in Texas was killed by unknown gunmen when he crossed the border into Ciudad Juarez to purchase a car at a local dealership. He was 15 years old. The drug cartels are attacking with a vengeance to protect or claim their territory, and clearly they are winning. Law enforcement and the Mexico government is a joke. To rephrase my statement: The cartels are not winning; they have won!

Anyone planning to take advantage of the post card beaches would be better protected by their German shepherd, than the Mexican government. As for me, if I feel the urge to indulge I’ll take my chances in Miami.

Those waiting on the sidelines for HOPE to get better will surely be left behind. I remember a simple time: when our only frustration was increased oil prices. That item of discussion seem to have left our tongue completely as we now worry about our homes, job security, education, and the ability of our government to lead this nation. Our Leaders have “cried wolf” many times, but today the wolf walks among the sheep so be ready! We can no longer be a People waiting for government hand-outs. Think about it; when Wall Street goes on Welfare (bail outs) where does that leave us?

Be encouraged to use your talents, hobbies and skills as a means to earn money. A grim economy doesn’t mean there isn’t money to be made. It’s a sign we’ve been complacent too long! Everyone is on shaky ground and those who aren’t afraid to capitalize on their talents and resources will feast. Those who are still waiting for Hope will meet famine. It’s that simple.

Now I’m asking the question: Will you Feast or Famine?….I’m listening. Holla at ya Gyrl !

So many dreams and goals are pushed aside due to thinking we have to be at a certain place in our lives before the work begins. You may find yourself wishing you could do this or that when most likely you can! Thank goodness you weren’t born with this mentality. Somewhere along the way you definitely learned it. Remember how excited you were when the idea of following your dream first entered your head? Before your mouth opened to share excitement, a thought proceeded by a vision was planted in your mind. That vision was nurtured in your heart until it was time to call it to action. You were certain the excitement would be equally met by friends and loved ones but instead the feedback received expressed apprehension, doubt, uncertainty, bewilderment, and in some cases; downright anger!

Nothing kills a dream faster than other people. You absorb that depressing energy coming at you and accept it as your own. In a matter of days you go from being on top of the world to questioning why you dared to dream in the first place. Look around because you’re not alone. Many of us check our dreams into this holding area and never return for them. Remaining in a place of Stability and Familiarity is less risky than traveling to foreign territory. However, having faith in Your works turns risk into Investment.

Our Creator gave you a talent special only to you so that you may learn it, nurture it, master it and use it to contribute to mankind. He made His Investment in you before you were even conceived! Your gift isn’t any good to anyone if it remains in its wrapping paper sitting somewhere in the back of the closet.

I have something for you…yes you! In my hands I have your box that has been wrapped for many years. The one you have been promising to open when the time is right. Your dreams and all that you imagine are right here. Will you open it?

While catching up on my tweets I came across an interesting one encouraging others to sign a petition to ban Shirley Q. Liquor. I wondered about Shirley Q. Liquor because before this morning, I had never even heard the name. I did some research and learned Comedian Charles Knipp created this character much like Tyler Perry with Madea. However unlike Tyler Perry, Charles Knipp is a white male who performs this character in black face. With Shirley Q. Liquor, Mr Knipp amplifies every negative stereo-type known of the black woman. Listening to the monologues, it becomes clear why many would like this persona to swim with the fishes.

A few examples of the dialogue are;
    “On the fifth day of the Kwanzaa my check came in the mail; AFDC! Thank you. Lawd c’mon kids so we can go to the sto’ for some collard greens, ham hocks and cheese.”

     “I’m gonna burn me some chitlins and put some ketchup on there and ax Jesus to forgive my sins.”

Obviously this is offensive and insensitive to black people but doesn’t banning it altogether violate the right to freedom of speech? I feel just as he has a right to say what he wants, I have a right to not spend anymore time than it takes to write this topic thinking about it.

It stings horribly when our negative stereo-types are re-hashed over and over again. We may not be able to ban everything which offends us but we can definitely boycott them!

Will you ban Shirley Q. Liquor?..I’m listening…Holla at ya Gyrl!

It’s mid February and time is doing what it always does; moving forward, and fast. Time is consistent. It doesn’t matter what goes on in the world, there are always 24 hours in a day. Time seems gracious to us in our adolescence. When you’re a child it moves slowly and our infant minds want so bad to speed it up! We want to hurry and become a “big” person. Then we actually become a “big” person and realize how much time we have wasted. As soon as we adapt that awareness, time mocks us by moving at the speed of light (or so it seems).

The greatest gift is that we have control over what-we-do with our time. Remember your teen-age years? It was all about the direction adults set for you versus your personal dreams and goals. Most of us knew without a doubt what we wanted to be, the complicated part was getting there. Post graduation, Life introduced many other factors like bills, job, relationships, children, friendships, etc. Now there was even less time and you still had to sleep! Because of this, dreams fell to the wayside.

Reality causes many dreams to fade however YOU are the only person who has the power to make them disappear. Even if life threw a case full of monkey wrenches in your way, time will always allow you opportunity realize your dreams. One day when you’re old and gray you’ll reflect upon your life and accomplishments. If you’ve used time wisely your reflections will have few regrets.

Whether it’s moving fast or slow, time gives us 24 hours. The question is: How will you spend yours?

Wow, if I only had a dollar for every time I’ve heard that throughout the years. However the saying holds true in that we are experiencing the biggest, most fascinating, incredible time ever! Life is a gift as is the relationships we hold with people in general and those we love. We have no control over our Birth or Death, but all in between is our ship to navigate. Time is the key factor of what stands between life and death yet as intelligent beings, we don’t utilize time the way we should. The value of it isn’t nearly realized until time is running out!

Now, I need you to do me a favor (yes, you). Instead of viewing life in our usual and customary manner, I want to challenge you, only for a short moment, to switch your perspective and go with me from end to beginning. That was not an error. I did write “end to beginning”.

But wait! I think I am jumping too far ahead so let me slow down…

As we navigate our ship through life many relationships are formed. Each one falls somewhere on the scale of close to distant. For the sake of clarity this topic will focus on our close relationships because those are the ones which are significant in our lives. When hurt, betrayal, and loss is experienced, we counter those feelings with anger because it’s easier on our heart to feel anger than pain. That process is pretty much a natural mechanism of how we protect ourselves in our most vulnerable moments. It becomes a problem when we carry the anger and resentment throughout our journey allowing it to become toxic in our relationships.

We get so ruffled over the smallest things; “this person borrowed money and never paid it back”, “that person told all my personal business to so and so”, “they did me wrong”, “so and so is always hating on me”, “He lied!”.. I can go on and on. Whether it’s a heartbreak, sibling rivalry, family problems or personal problems, holding onto resentment will kill you quicker than anything else. We like to do things in our own time, and I am a huge believer that time takes care of everything, but understand, time doesn’t move to our rhythm. We are NEVER guaranteed control over the moment we decide to forgive and move on. When Time has shorted us and we’re standing over the hospital bed or grave site of our loved ones, those grudges we held for so long suddenly mean nothing. And all the hurt, pain, anger, and resentment automatically turn into forgiveness. It is in these moments that we hope, wish, and pray for more time to make amends, so why wait?

Having an “end” to “beginning” perspective means at some point you ask yourself is it really necessary to cloud your mind, heart and spirit with fermenting bitterness? As we move in to the last leg of this decade, I encourage you to re-evaluate those grudges and bad feelings you’ve laid so heavy on your heart toward a loved one. I’m asking;

Are you willing to shift End to Beginning?…I’m listening…Holla at ya Gyrl!

The plight of the Single Mom still weighs heavy in our community. Talk television has successfully down-played the seriousness with its satire of the term “Baby Mamma”; feeding our animalistic need to tap into other peoples misery.

Who could have predicted a simple phrase such as, “You are not the father” would be such an inter-woven part of our culture? The focus of fatherless children has shifted from responsibility to entertainment. As the Mother parades on stage wearing the Scarlet letter on her forehead, fault is never found in the Men who participated in unprotected sex as well. As Men celebrate, hi-five each other and shout simultaneous vulgarities at Scarlet Woman; no one considers the child is still void a Father.

How is it that a man can create a child from his seed and carry-on through life as if that child does not exist? Men, you have to stop treating your children as if they are disposable! Understand that once you insert yourself inside of a woman with no protection, YOU are responsible for whatever happens next! There are no excuses for not caring for a life you created. I know there are women out there who make it nearly impossible for you to be a father, but that’s your cross to bear and I feel no sorrow.
The sons of our Community are out there shooting one another because you allowed the streets to be their Mentor. The daughters of our Community are becoming Mothers too young because you allowed strangers to teach her what love is.

You see when children are treated as if they are disposable; they treat others as disposable Beings. Fathers, it’s time for you to step up and step in place as Mentors and Leaders for your children.
This week I’m asking the question: What happens when Fathers walk away? I’m listening….Holla at ya Gyrl !